Life isnt the same

Life wasnt reli a difficult thing since young. M the one daddy love most. N most of the things are taken care.
Was a noti noti boi. doing all sorts of nonsense.tryin out everything out of curiousity.taken most of the things for granted.Bt well i din do drugs and no pros!!
The original moto was "searchin for true love"...bt tat suck.none wen well so i decided nt to care much of it.happen to take it for granted too at a point.

Things arent the same anymore since 15th March 2005..Daddie was diagnosed wid Leukemia.On the same night itself no one talked much.no one wanted to talk.no one had the mood to.Cant rmb wen was the previous time tat i saw Elder bro so silent, worried, confused.Tat night onwards home isnt the same.dad's laughter hardly could be heard at home.The family eventually "moved" to Uh.Thr's many memories der.Ups and downs.desperate prayers.cries for god's mercy.sufferrings..etc

I was suppose to spend time deciding whr to go.whr to further my studies.Things happened and i decided to go form six.A place i nv wanted to go.Class starting on May or June i cant rmb..N i m the onli one who have free time and so i took care of daddy.Spending 3 months plus in Uh everyday.See alot of things.Learned alot of things on how to take care of sick ppl and so on.N i aso "officially" classed as a Nurse!

Those times spent in Uh was the onli time i felt close enuf wid daddy.cant recall any of the similiar for my entire life.wat a regret.wat a son i m..and blif it or not.daddy sick stil need to worry bout me.stil hv to scold me..useless son betul...

The last admittion was strongest memory of all..out of sudden daddy jz shiver vigorously.was rushed to Uh.N i supported him all the way up.sumhow i jz forgot tat i m capable of jz carryin him up.my strength wasnt wid me.i jz dunno y..in the elevator.i cried and hugged him tightly.i was reli scared.feared the worse.tats the onli time i can rmb of hugging my daddie.i stil can feel him at this moment i write this.which is lik wat.around 2 yrs after..Things din turn well.pneumonia.lung infection.bla bla bla...and he vomitted blood.which he sub-conciously know tats nt a gd sign.he was scared and i know.bt i jz dunno wat to do.N at those time u'll reli know wats "Sam Thong" ( heart pain). Seeing ppl tat dear to you suffer, pain and confused bt u jz dont know wat to do. I was jz standing outside the curtain which the doctors jz pull over.tears jz roll wit no control...

Tho its jz 8 months after diagnose.bt daddy sufferred alot..
The last moment was vry frust..i was takin care overnight in Uh all along.bt jz tat day.i left it for lil bro..the nx day he din notice wats wrong.jz nag tat he wants to go home and stuff...mum went to see daddy..and i m to fetch bro back to rest..half way balik need to rush back to Uh.daddy nt well..wen i got back der.jz by the look of him i noe he's jz waiting for me and bro to get back der.to meet us last time..n i can stil visualise the whole event.the whole day's..
Usually even father's day and daddy's bday i reluctant to kiss him.even if he asked for..Bt tat day i did..nv treasure til its the end..haih..

Its 24th Nov 2005 1330..after tat its all procedures and i m so alone to handle things while the rest of the ppl wen back home to make arrangements.walkin in the mortuary feels vry strange.its lik thr is alot more ppl following behind of u thru tat narrow path..Afte waitin for a hours the door finally opens n i m suppose to verify.watchin dem unwrap and wash reli disgust me..well i m talkin bout the other fella's body..he was washed lik a chicken.its dissected and sew up..pitifull..muz b accident or sumthing i dunno.the water dropped on my toe...and i was lik.....OMG!!!!! bt den again...no mood la..tho it smells terrible in thr too...
N Riding the hearse.ntg adventerous about..

After tat day.Life isnt the same anymore.
I've lost sumone who is so dear to me.sumone who used to guide me.support me.forgive me.n nv give up on me..Bt i was nv thr to appreciate.nv to treasure.nv to realise the importance of his existance..